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The 9/11 conspiracies

Every September there is a surge in nonsense about the events in the USA on September 11, 2001. This year was no exception and the mad conspiracists of the 911 Truth Movement were out in force. Even outside September a new theory about the events in New York on September 11, 2001 seems to appear almost daily. Here are some of the things I have been told, and many if not most deniers seem to believe that they are all simultaneously true:

  • The buildings were demolished using thermite to cut the supporting beams.
  • The WTC buildings were destroyed by aircraft flown by CIA operatives.
  • The buildings were brought down by demolition charges placed in the foundations of the buildings.
  • None of the aircraft which people assume hit buildings were in the air at the time.
  • All North American air defences were stood down before the attacks so that fighter pilots would not do what they usually do when civilian planes fly over New York or Washington, which is shoot them down.
  • No planes ever fly over the Pentagon because it is a heavily-armed military base. The anti-aircraft guns were turned off for the day.
  • No plane hit the Pentagon. It was a missile and the plane that witnesses saw was a decoy which flew next to the missile to hide it. The plane rose to 350 feet above the building just before the missile impact, and then flew away. Somebody came back later to leave the black box recorder and some passenger body parts in the wreckage.
  • It was the Jews, because some Israeli tourists took videos of the collapsing buildings.
  • George W Bush organised the attacks on the orders of his Zionist masters.
  • Larry Silverstein and Frank Lowy organised the attacks to collect the insurance on the WTC buildings. It is a coincidence that both are Jewish.
  • One of the passengers who fought with the hijackers on the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania worked for Oracle. This makes him Jewish because Larry Ellison (the founder of Oracle) is a part-owner of a small Israeli biotech company.
  • There was no plane crash in Pennsylvania because there wasn't enough wreckage. The plane and passengers went somewhere else and have never been heard of again.
  • Larry Ellison offered millions of dollars worth of free software to help with paperwork after the event. This donation shows that he made money out of the tragedy.
  • There were no Arabs flying planes, just Mossad agents.
  • If a plane flew over the White House at 800kph heading for the Pentagon (or vice versa) there would be plenty of time to scramble an attack aircraft and shoot it down before it managed to traverse the 2 kilometres between the buildings.
  • Yellow rivers of molten steel flowed through the rubble. The steel was still molten weeks later.
  • An aluminium aeroplane canít possibly punch a hole in steel building cladding.
  • No steel-framed building has ever collapsed anywhere in the world.
  • Buildings don't collapse because of fire, only when they are blown up.
  • When a fireman says "Pull them out" he is using industry jargon for "Fire the demolition charges".

Did I mention that the 911 Truthers are not just offensive to the memory of the people who died on that day in 2001 but also barking mad and totally resistant to any form of reason or logic? But of course I would say that, seeing as how I used to work for the government doing super secret military research. And that is the truth but Iím not going to say any more about it. I wouldnít want anyone to come to my house in a black helicopter and make me disappear.

A version of this article was published on the Yahoo! 7 News Blog on September 15, 2009
Yahoo! 7 News


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